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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Loan
Car
Birth
Anyone
Given
Never

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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I used everything you gave me.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
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She's as funny as a toothache
Erma Bombeck
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Erma Bombeck
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Erma Bombeck