Quote

When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Water
Plastic
Tube
Comes
Meals
Tubes
Felt
Pops
Bang
Better
Guilty
Bangs
Self
Cooking
Adding
Years
Courses
Plate
Course
Plates
Five
Meal
Silverware

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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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