Quote

I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Power
Television
Screens
Never
Realizing
Holding
Control
Boxes
Saying
Brings
Open
Door
Flashed
Alone
Doors
Garage
Family
Deal
Pointing
Bigs
Deals
Screen

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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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