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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Written
History
Money
Right
Guilt
Children
Ten
Refuse
Parents
Parent

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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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