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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Keep
Else
Best
Parenting
Children
Killing
Thing
Negative
Anyone
Hope
Wish

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Erma Bombeck
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
Erma Bombeck
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Erma Bombeck
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
Erma Bombeck
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
Erma Bombeck
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Erma Bombeck
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
Erma Bombeck
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Erma Bombeck
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
Erma Bombeck
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
Erma Bombeck
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
Erma Bombeck
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck