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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Children
Killing
Thing
Negative
Anyone
Hope
Wish
Keep
Else
Best
Parenting

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
Erma Bombeck
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Erma Bombeck
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
Erma Bombeck
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
Erma Bombeck
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
Erma Bombeck
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
Erma Bombeck
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Erma Bombeck
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
Erma Bombeck
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Erma Bombeck