Quote

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Erma Bombeck

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Thing
Negative
Anyone
Hope
Wish
Keep
Else
Best
Parenting
Children
Killing

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

Image
My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
Erma Bombeck
Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
Erma Bombeck
Image
It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
Erma Bombeck
Image
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
Erma Bombeck
Image
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Erma Bombeck
Image
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck
Image
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
Erma Bombeck
Image
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
Image
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
Erma Bombeck
Image
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Erma Bombeck
Image
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
Erma Bombeck