Quote

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Boys
Bus
Decorated
Stand
Bedroom
Hovering
Path
Stations
Cleaner
Right
Escape
Hurricane
Trying
Fruit
Cleaners
Hamster
Always
Waste
Hurricanes
Restroom
Air
Flies
Hamsters
Early
Station
Bedrooms

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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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