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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Existence
Jobs
Today
Motherhood
Biggest
Program
Training

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
Erma Bombeck
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
Erma Bombeck
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
Erma Bombeck
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Erma Bombeck
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
Erma Bombeck
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
Erma Bombeck
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Erma Bombeck
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
Erma Bombeck
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
Erma Bombeck
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
Erma Bombeck
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
Erma Bombeck
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
Erma Bombeck