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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Existence
Jobs
Today
Motherhood
Biggest
Program
Training

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Erma Bombeck