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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Program
Training
Existence
Jobs
Today
Motherhood
Biggest

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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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