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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
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Dressed
Food
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Thermometer
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Thermometers
Stories
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Dieting
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Later
Wore
Always
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Jersey

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Children make your life important.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
Erma Bombeck
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
Erma Bombeck
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Erma Bombeck
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
Erma Bombeck