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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
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Dressed
Food
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Days
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Thermometer
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Thirty
Dieting
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Wore
Always
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Jersey

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I used everything you gave me.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
Erma Bombeck