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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Independence
Losing
Children
Supermarket
Supermarkets
Regularly
Encourage

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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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