Quote

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

Erma Bombeck

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Moved
Early
Inflated
Upon
Cooked
Anything
Pact
Made
Teeth
Never
Excited
Would
Impact
Life
Dog

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

Image
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
Image
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Every puppy should have a boy.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
Erma Bombeck
Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
Erma Bombeck
Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
Erma Bombeck
Image
the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
Erma Bombeck
Image
A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
Erma Bombeck