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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Anything
Pact
Made
Teeth
Never
Excited
Would
Impact
Life
Dog
Moved
Early
Inflated
Upon
Cooked
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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