Quote

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Room
Melted
Return
Notices
Rooms
Candles
Playing
Speaker
Feet
Returns
Half
Speakers
Difficult
Occasionally
Earth
Candle

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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