Quote

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Rooms
Candles
Playing
Speaker
Feet
Returns
Half
Speakers
Difficult
Occasionally
Earth
Candle
Room
Melted
Return
Notices

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
Erma Bombeck
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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