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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Children
Blow
Made
Green
Would
Sick
Time
Trust
Respect
Traffic
Turn
Stomach
Turns
Red
Light
Believed
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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