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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Foot
Things
Tennis
World
Son
Unless
Feet
Semi
Teach
Truck
Running
Satisfying
Play

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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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I used everything you gave me.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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