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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Years
Becoming
People
Age
Fact
Fear
Increasingly
Facts
Twenty
Three
Twenties
Didn
Aware
Beautiful
Usually
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck
When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
Erma Bombeck
Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
Erma Bombeck
I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
Erma Bombeck
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
Erma Bombeck
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
Erma Bombeck
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
Erma Bombeck
If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
Erma Bombeck
A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
Erma Bombeck
It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
Erma Bombeck
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
Erma Bombeck
She's as funny as a toothache
Erma Bombeck
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
Erma Bombeck
Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
Erma Bombeck