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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Grandparent
Midnight
Charge
Baby
Doesn
Anything
Sitter

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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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