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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Made
Holidays
Make
Longevity
Fruits
Cake
Holiday
Stove
Christmas
Stoves
Fruit
Heavier
Ultimate
Cooked
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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