Quote

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Time
Pity
World
Morning
Child
Sadder
Cannot
Exhaustion
Nothing
Apathy
Self
Bitterness
Take
Awake
Children
Christmas

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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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