Quote

I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Understand
Firmly
Kids
Keys
Trying
Car
Believe
Compassion
Love
Trust
Trouble
Understanding
Bigs
Blinding

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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I used everything you gave me.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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