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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Believe
Compassion
Love
Trust
Trouble
Understanding
Bigs
Blinding
Understand
Firmly
Kids
Keys
Trying
Car

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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I used everything you gave me.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Children make your life important.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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