Quote

Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
War
Balls
Swing
Running
Driven
Swings
Play
Eight
Garbage
Son
Camps
Fight
Swim
Race
Ride
Hours
Ball
Bicycle
Fighting
Explain
Camp

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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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