Quote

Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Race
Ride
Hours
Ball
Bicycle
Fighting
Explain
Camp
War
Balls
Swing
Running
Driven
Swings
Play
Eight
Garbage
Son
Camps
Fight
Swim

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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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