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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Visit
Boredom
Bored
Meat
Yesterday
Food
Went
Locker
Lockers

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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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