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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Meat
Yesterday
Food
Went
Locker
Lockers
Visit
Boredom
Bored

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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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