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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Flight
Size
South
Plans
Mosquitoes
File
Files
Pacific
Required

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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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