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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Birthday
Married
Agers
Show
Thirteenth
Shows
Withdrew
Didn
Bedrooms
Time
Teen
Adolescence
Bedroom

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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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