Quote

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Age
Children
Sixteen
Life
Adolescence
Discover
Keys
Car
Reach
Meaning

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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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