Quote

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Life
Adolescence
Discover
Keys
Car
Reach
Meaning
Age
Children
Sixteen

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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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