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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Reach
Meaning
Age
Children
Sixteen
Life
Adolescence
Discover
Keys
Car
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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