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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Sudden
Smog
California
Floods
Tired
Earthquakes
Fire
Fires
Maybe
Brush
Funny
Brushes
Feel
Flood
Feels
Cheer

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Erma Bombeck
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
Erma Bombeck
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Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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