Quote

I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Cannot
Understood
Climb
Come
Balance
Rescue
Without
Walk
Climbs
Children
Wall
Roof
Grubby
Never
Walks
Walls
Antenna
Example
Scale
Hallway
Child
Scales
Hallways
Hands
Cat
Grabbing

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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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I used everything you gave me.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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