Quote

I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Example
Scale
Hallway
Child
Scales
Hallways
Hands
Cat
Grabbing
Cannot
Understood
Climb
Come
Balance
Rescue
Without
Walk
Climbs
Children
Wall
Roof
Grubby
Never
Walks
Walls
Antenna

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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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