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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
American
Without
Garfunkel
Like
Ironing
Kidding
Simon
Board
Boards
Kitchen

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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