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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Simon
Board
Boards
Kitchen
American
Without
Garfunkel
Like
Ironing
Kidding

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
Erma Bombeck
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Erma Bombeck
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
Erma Bombeck