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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Fattening
Lettuce
Discovering
Scientists
Scientist
Along
Worry

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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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