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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Discovering
Scientists
Scientist
Along
Worry
Fattening
Lettuce
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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