Quote

I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Children
Anger
Measles
Never
Bible
Psychologist
Theory
Slap
Hand
Strike
Child
Birthday
Read
Sunday
Family
Strikes
Hands
Kissing

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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
Erma Bombeck