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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Years
Gave
Telephones
Four
Seventies
Call
Named
Year
Phone
Hours
Goods
Bake
Lasts
League
Baked
Last
Humorous
Rama
Girl
Phones
Seventy

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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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