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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Risk
Precautions
Fun
Precaution
Sound
Accompany
Funny
Risks
Today
Humorous
Much
Sounds
Sex
Minefield
Walking
Minefields

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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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