Quote

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Funny
Smiled
Left
Committees
Member
Slapped
Humorous
Tag
Members
Bosom
Name
Bosoms
Shall
Amused
Names
Committee

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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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