Quote

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Names
Committee
Funny
Smiled
Left
Committees
Slapped
Member
Tag
Humorous
Bosom
Members
Name
Bosoms
Shall
Amused

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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