Quote

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Name
Bosoms
Shall
Amused
Names
Committee
Funny
Smiled
Left
Committees
Member
Slapped
Humorous
Tag
Members
Bosom

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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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