Quote

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Remember
Fifty
Body
Humorous
Years
Seven
Make
Lead
Stay
Year
Funny
Motherhood
Mother
Awake

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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Erma Bombeck
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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