Quote

Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Must
Last
Humor
Babies
Children
Whether
Joy
Lights
Freedom
Learned
Meeting
Funny
Movie
Humorous
Enjoy
Public
Meetings
Place
Hours
Laughter
Kids
Church
Lifetime
Light
Lasts
Baby
Conserved

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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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