Quote

The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Something
Fact
Glimpse
World
Funny
Drag
Facts
George
Around
Humorous
Past
Older
America
Americans
Anything
Youth
Revere
Country
Probably
Burns

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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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