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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Humorous
Convinced
Sky
Humor
Bermuda
Food
Triangle
Gone
Triangles
Funny
Luggage
Bigs
Airline

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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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