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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Bigs
Airline
Humorous
Convinced
Sky
Humor
Bermuda
Food
Triangle
Gone
Triangles
Funny
Luggage

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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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