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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Humor
Bermuda
Food
Triangle
Gone
Triangles
Funny
Luggage
Bigs
Airline
Humorous
Convinced
Sky

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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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