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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Humor
Says
Column
Almost
Housewife
Happened
Identification
Talking
Columns
Women
Reads
Pure
Type
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
Erma Bombeck
I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
Erma Bombeck
I used everything you gave me.
Erma Bombeck
I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
Erma Bombeck
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck
Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
Erma Bombeck
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
Erma Bombeck
Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
Erma Bombeck
One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
Erma Bombeck
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
Erma Bombeck
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Erma Bombeck
Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
Erma Bombeck
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
Erma Bombeck
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
Erma Bombeck
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
Erma Bombeck
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
