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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Ever
Carpet
Ugly
Rule
Lasts
Last

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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Children make your life important.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
Erma Bombeck
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
Erma Bombeck